Part Two treated the marriage between husband and wife. Part Three treats the next layer of the household — the relationship between parents and children, and the work of generational discipleship by which the faith is passed down from one generation to the next.
3.1 Children as Heritage
Psalm 127:3-5
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.”
Three things stand out in this short Psalm. Children are a heritage — something received from the Lord, not an achievement, not a project, not a consumer good. Children are arrows — directed, sharpened, sent. Children are a blessing — the household with many of them is blessed, not burdened.
Modern culture has often treated children as expensive lifestyle accessories or as obstacles to personal fulfilment. The biblical view is the opposite: children are the Lord’s good gift to the household, the visible fruit of the marriage, the next generation entrusted into parental care for a season, and ultimately the Lord’s arrows shot into futures the parents will not see. To receive children gratefully and to shape them faithfully is one of the most consequential vocations a household can carry.
3.2 The Father’s Primary Role
Ephesians 6:4
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Malachi 4:6
“He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.”
The Bible specifically addresses fathers in the household instruction. Fathers carry primary responsibility for the training and instruction of the children in the Lord. This does not mean mothers are uninvolved — they are deeply involved, often more daily than fathers — but the responsibility before God rests on the father first.
What fathers are to do. Bring children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Train them — form their character through formative practice, discipline, modelling. Instruct them — teach them what is true, what is right, who Christ is, what the Bible says. Both. Training without instruction produces obedient empty shells; instruction without training produces knowledgeable rebels.
What fathers must not do. Exasperate the children. The Greek word means to provoke to anger — to push the children past the point where the discipline produces fruit and into the point where it produces resentment. Fathers exasperate in many ways: by inconsistency, by harshness, by unrealistic expectations, by belittling, by absence, by hypocrisy. The instruction stands: bring them up in the Lord; do not crush them in the process.
The father’s presence matters more than any program. A father who is present, who knows his children, who plays with them, prays with them, eats with them, listens to them, models faith for them — this father shapes children even when he does not realise he is shaping them. A father who is absent — physically or emotionally — leaves a wound that often takes a lifetime to heal. The single most important thing a father can do for his children is to be present with them, in the love of Christ.
The father blesses. Throughout the Old Testament, fathers spoke blessing over their children — Isaac to Jacob, Jacob to his sons, Moses to the tribes. The practice has been largely lost in the modern West, and many sons and daughters carry the wound of never having been blessed by their father. Reclaiming the father’s blessing — spoken intentionally, regularly, specifically — is one of the most powerful things a household can recover. Template I in the Appendix gives a pattern.
3.3 The Mother’s Primary Role
Titus 2:3-5
“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God.”
The mother’s role is taught primarily through this Titus passage and through the Proverbs 31 portrait. Several things are striking:
The mother is the daily shaper of the household. “Busy at home” is not a put-down; it is a vocational description. The home is the place where most of human formation happens, and the mother is most often the one present in it. In an age that has often devalued home-making, this verse stands as a recovery: the work of shaping a home is among the most consequential work a Saint can do.
The mother teaches. Titus 2 names older women as teachers of the younger women, and by extension of the children. Proverbs 1:8 — “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.” Proverbs 31:26 — “She opens her mouth in wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” The mother is a teacher in the household.
The mother shapes the children’s emotional and spiritual world. The mother is often the first voice the children hear when they wake, the last when they sleep. She mediates much of the emotional weather of the household. A mother walking with Christ, full of the Spirit, kind and steady, gives the children a foundation that will hold them for life. A mother given to fear, anger, or anxiety — not by her own choosing but unaddressed — transmits these to the children unwittingly. The mother’s own walk with the Lord matters profoundly for the family.
Working mothers. Many modern mothers work outside the home, by choice or by necessity. The biblical pattern does not absolutely require otherwise — the Proverbs 31 woman ran significant economic ventures. But the principle stands: the home requires the mother’s heart, time, and presence in significant measure. Where work outside the home reduces the mother’s capacity to give the home this presence, the household must reckon with this and adjust. The decision is one of stewardship and discernment, shared with the husband, brought before the Lord.
The mother’s spiritual gifting in the children’s lives. Mothers carry distinct prophetic insight into their children. Mothers often see what fathers cannot see; mothers often pray prayers no one else prays. Hannah’s prayer over Samuel (1 Samuel 1–2), Mary’s ponderings about Jesus (Luke 2:19), Eunice and Lois’s faith poured into Timothy (2 Timothy 1:5) — the Bible honours the mother’s spiritual ministry in her children’s lives.
3.4 Teaching the Word at Home
Deuteronomy 6 (quoted in Part 1.3) gives the foundational pattern: the commandments of God are to be impressed on the children in the rhythms of household life. Not delegated to the church alone. Not delegated to a school. Done in the home, by the parents, daily.
Family devotions. A regular rhythm of scripture reading, prayer, and worship in the home. There is no single right form. Some families read a Psalm at breakfast; some read a chapter of the Bible at dinner; some sing hymns; some pray for one mission family each evening; some read a passage and discuss it. The form is less important than the consistency. A few minutes daily, sustained over years, shapes children far more than long Sunday-school sessions.
Scripture memory. Children memorise easily. A family that memorises one verse a week for ten years has thirty volumes of scripture in the children’s hearts by the time they leave home. This is one of the most under-used disciplines in modern Christian families and one of the most fruitful.
Doctrinal conversation. Parents who can articulate the gospel, who can explain the Trinity simply, who can answer the children’s honest questions about God — these parents disciple. Where parents do not feel equipped, this is a calling on them to grow, not a calling to outsource. The eldership of the church should resource parents specifically for this teaching role.
Worship in the home. Singing the songs the family sings on Sunday at home during the week. Praying together before bed. The children seeing the parents bow their heads, lift their hands, weep, give thanks. The home is where faith is made visible.
Real conversation about real things. When the children ask questions about death, suffering, sex, identity, politics, friends — answering honestly, biblically, age-appropriately, never deflecting. The household where children can ask anything is the household where the gospel can speak to anything.
3.5 Discipline
Discipline is one of the most contested topics in modern Christian parenting, and one where biblical wisdom must be carefully held against both ancient excesses and modern errors.
Proverbs 22:6
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
Hebrews 12:5-6
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastens everyone He accepts as His son.”
Biblical discipline has four characteristics:
Discipline is for the child’s good. Discipline aims at the child’s formation in righteousness, not at the parent’s convenience or the venting of frustration. Hebrews 12:10-11 — “God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in His holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
Discipline is in love. The Lord disciplines those He loves. Parents discipline because they love. Discipline given in anger, frustration, embarrassment, or revenge is not biblical discipline. Where a parent has reacted in anger, the parent acknowledges this honestly to the child and seeks forgiveness.
Discipline is age-appropriate. What disciplines a three-year-old does not discipline a thirteen-year-old. Wise parents adjust the form of discipline as the children grow — from very direct physical and behavioural correction in the early years, to consequences and conversation in the school years, to appeal to the heart and reasoned discussion in the teenage years, to mostly appeal and prayer as the children move toward adulthood.
Discipline aims at the heart. Proverbs treats folly as a heart matter (Proverbs 22:15). The aim of discipline is not just to modify behaviour; it is to shape the heart toward what is right. A child who behaves out of fear but whose heart loves what is wrong has not been discipled; he has only been constrained. The constraint matters in the short term; the heart-formation matters for life.
On the question of physical discipline: Scripture clearly assumes it (Proverbs 13:24, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:15). Many Christian parents apply it in the early years, used judiciously, never in anger, always followed by reconciliation. Others, equally serious about scripture, conclude that in their context, in their child’s temperament, other forms of correction serve the same purpose. The principle to hold is that biblical discipline must happen — the form is a matter of wisdom. What is not optional is that the parent shapes the child’s heart toward righteousness through some sustained, loving, consistent practice of correction.
What is forbidden in all forms: discipline that injures, that humiliates, that breaks the child’s spirit, that is administered in rage. Colossians 3:21 — “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” Discouragement is the warning sign that discipline has crossed from formation into damage.
3.6 The Father Wound and the Mother Wound
The promise of Malachi 4:6 — the turning of hearts of fathers to children and children to fathers — is needed because so many fathers and mothers, in every culture and every era, have failed to give what their children needed. The wounds left are real, and the Lord is in the business of healing them.
The father wound. Absent fathers, harsh fathers, abusive fathers, weak fathers, addicted fathers, fathers present but emotionally unavailable, fathers who could not say “I love you”, fathers who never blessed. Sons grow up uncertain of their identity as men; daughters grow up uncertain of their value before men. The wound shapes adult life, marriage, sometimes children of the next generation.
The mother wound. Absent mothers, cold mothers, anxious mothers, controlling mothers, narcissistic mothers, mothers whose love came with conditions or who were never satisfied. Sons grow up wary of women; daughters grow up uncertain of how to be women. The wound shapes adult life, marriage, mothering of the next generation.
Healing. The good news of the gospel is that Christ is a perfect Father (John 14:9 — “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father”) and that the Spirit prays in our hearts “Abba, Father” (Romans 8:15). Where earthly fathers and mothers have failed, the Lord Himself comes as Father and Mother (Isaiah 66:13 — “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you”). Healing the father and mother wounds is a long work — often involving prayer ministry, counselling, the receiving of love from spiritual mothers and fathers in the body, intentional renouncing of lies absorbed from broken parents, and the active receiving of the Father’s love in worship and prayer over years.
A note for current parents. You will fail your children in some way. Every parent does. What matters is whether you are aware of it, whether you repent of it, whether you ask forgiveness for it, whether you are growing. A parent who can say to a child “I was wrong; please forgive me” is a parent who is teaching the child the gospel.
3.7 Children Honouring Parents
Ephesians 6:1-3
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honour your father and mother” — which is the first commandment with a promise — “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.””
Children’s honour for parents is the only commandment in the Ten Commandments with an attached promise. The principle is woven through scripture: honouring father and mother is the foundation of a society that endures. Where it breaks down, the society breaks down.
What does it look like through the seasons of life?
Young children. Obedience — “in the Lord”, that is, where parental instruction does not contradict God. Respectful speech. Coming when called. Doing what is asked. Children obey because God has placed them under their parents’ care for this season.
Teenage years. Still obedience, but increasingly working out their own walk with the Lord, with the parents shifting toward guidance and counsel rather than directive command. The honour shifts from compliance to relationship — caring about what the parents think, communicating, taking counsel seriously even where the teenager disagrees.
Young adults living at home. Honour expressed through respectful sharing of the household, contributing to its life, accepting the authority of the household while making one’s own decisions about life direction. Parents at this stage shift toward counsel rather than command.
Adult children no longer at home. Obedience is no longer the form; honour remains the substance. Adult children honour their parents by visiting, calling, listening, caring, providing where needed, including them in their lives, blessing them, and ultimately caring for them in their old age. 1 Timothy 5:4 — “If a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.”
When parents are difficult. Honour does not require pretending parents have been faithful where they have not. Honour does require not despising them; not slandering them; not erasing them from one’s life without serious cause. Where parental sin has been severe, honour may take the form of distance, with truth-telling, with prayer for them, with the Lord’s help. But the default posture toward parents is honour.
3.8 The Family Devotion Pattern
A practical pattern for family devotions that many households have found workable across decades. Adapt freely; the form matters less than the consistency.
- A fixed time daily — dinner is most common; some families use breakfast; some use the half-hour before bed. The time matters less than the consistency.
- A simple structure: a passage of scripture (parents read or older children read in turn), a brief explanation or discussion (one question is usually enough), a song (one Psalm, one hymn, or one worship song), and prayer (one prayer of thanks, one prayer of confession, one prayer for someone outside the family).
- Length: ten to fifteen minutes for a family with young children; twenty to thirty for a family with older children. Longer is not better. The aim is consistency, not length.
- A rotation through scripture over a year or two — reading consecutively through a Gospel, then an Old Testament book, then a Letter, with Psalms interleaved. The family sees the whole counsel of God over time.
- Prayers personalised: praying for each child by name; praying for a specific friend each evening; praying for a specific missionary or church plant each week.
- A Sunday rhythm that connects family devotions to the body’s gathered worship — discussing the sermon on Sunday afternoon, singing the songs at home that the body sings on Sunday, praying for the people met at church.
- A Sabbath rest in the rhythm — one day each week where the family pace slows, work is set aside, the Lord is honoured in extended time together.
3.9 Adult Children and Aging Parents
A complete treatment of household governance must also address what happens at the other end of life — when adult children carry responsibility for aging parents.
1 Timothy 5:4
“But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.”
The principle is plain. Adult children carry responsibility for their parents in their parents’ declining years. Practically this includes financial provision where the parents cannot provide for themselves, physical care arrangements, regular presence and communication, advocacy for the parents in medical and legal matters, and the emotional and spiritual support of being present in the season the Lord has brought the parents into.
Where there are siblings, the responsibility is shared; where there are not, it falls on the one. Where the parents have been faithful, the responsibility is borne in gratitude; where the parents have been difficult, it is borne as a calling. The local body should support adult children in this season — elderships should pray for them, deacons should organise practical support, and the body should honour the work of caring for aging parents as the holy work it is.